Heavenly Muse

My Dictatorial rule

2012-01-08T10:09:00.000-08:00

I tried to change people’s behavior as per my choice. I tried to change intensity and frequency of life’s events with an accordance of my will. I tried to change the nature’s course of action in the direction chose by me. I tried to change everything that was not meant to be changed but one thing; my ownself.I forgot that my own self comes under my domain. Here I can practice my will with utmost severity and can get desired results.

So be alert Arooj you will be dictated by Arooj from now on

Mother's womb

2011-12-22T12:20:00.000-08:00

Very tired of daily issues, I was so angry with life, was not able to find any place where I could reside and spend few peaceful moments.

Then my escapism helped me out and leads towards realm of imagination. I felt myself in my mother’s womb. What sense of relief I felt over there.

A sense of protection.

A sense of nourishment.

A sense of care.

A feeling of utmost potential energy ready to convert itself in kinetic energy.

J…me and my imagination. Best friend forever.

Arooj weds Altaf

2011-11-29T05:31:00.000-08:00

At last after an immense preparation and a bundle of concern, I got married at 24^th of November. The big day of my life passed away so briskly. I grew up watching my mother’s picture in bridal dress and found her reflection in my bridal photographs.

My father, my sister my younger brother and my sweet home said me Good Bye with weeping eyes yet smiling faces. I left a phase of my life and entered a new one. Yet I stole thousands of recollections from childhood and a number of memories of my teenage .This stuff will surely accompany me in my new life and never make me feel lonely.

Just A Smile

2011-11-03T12:29:00.000-07:00

You know what I just did? I sit with myself and give it a long broad smile. After having such a happy meeting with my own self; I am feeling really light.

Good practice .doesn’t it?

I Need Some Time

2011-11-02T10:24:00.001-07:00

Living among thousands of uncertainties, coping with fears, tackling with subtle challenges, and having a combat with untimely flow of tears; that is the cruel part of a practical life. I am grown up, mature and sensible yet I am not ready to admit that I am living in such a harsh situation. Arooj is still impractical. I guess she needs some time.

Essentials

2011-10-24T06:22:00.000-07:00

It’s always nice to be loved yet it’s nicest to be respected.

And if you could manage both, the world is yours.

A truth abut marriage.

2011-10-16T04:18:00.000-07:00

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

( Groucho Marx)

Dedicated to all the irresponsible men .

A wish

2011-10-06T12:44:00.000-07:00

I spent four years of my B.A Honors watching through this window of girls’ common room.

My 2 or three free hours got consumed sitting there and watching how the light comes through and illuminates the whole darkness of old room.

I used to think how light finds its way inside. I always got hopeful and energetic whenever I observed the play of sunrays with the navy-blue curtains, brown furniture and dusty carpet. In no time the whole room embraced the light .I liked it the moment most when darkness surrender itself in front of light.

I want the same play in my other areas of life.

Don't do this please!

2011-09-28T11:27:00.000-07:00

How it is easy to generate complexity ;

To put the burden of heavy thoughts to make breathing tiresome.

To utter a single ‘’No’’ to the eyes waiting for ‘’One yes’’.

To pass one dry statement to drain off the smile from the face.

We take such easy steps to create what a difficulty for others.

isn't it strangely sad !

(That’s what I experienced from life. May Allah bless us)

LOLZ!

2011-09-20T14:44:00.000-07:00

Today I read my palm with the help of palmistry websites. (Authentic or non-authentic).

Such an ordinary hand I have got. No fate line. Career line is lost or hidden somewhere.

Health line is also not giving good signals. The ‘’logic space’ of thumb is also very narrow. The girdle of Venus shows I am inclined to get mental collapse. Head line is too long in one hand in too short in other. Marriage line was the most ambiguous one.

I suddenly close my hand to get rid of the drawn luck on my palm.

But the very next moment I found myself giggling. I realized, it’s not my hand which needs to be closed but the free webpage of palmistry.

Believe me ,now I am feeling really good.

Hi! Its me.:-)

2011-08-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

I always feel that the extent of care and attention I have been showing towards other, I don’t get the same in return. Very bitter realization! But I started feeling this since the start of my socialization. My easy going attitude could not always earn the same response for me.

Believe me, I could have been the victim of this bitter reality but then one day my teacher gave us a very good lecture regarding one’s true self.

He says;

Just imagine when you communicate or deal with someone, your personality represents alphabate’’A’’.

And other’s represents alphabet ‘’B’’.what ever you do, whatever you say, it comes under the qualities of ‘’A ‘and same is the case with the representative of ‘’B’’.

The moment you starts behaving under influence of ‘’B’’, the’’ A’’ starts losing its identity. Supposed if B is not sincere and A also reduce the level of sincerity .This very attitude makes A to behave like B and eventually another B emerges on the ashes of A.

So be yourself regardless you are getting the same in response or not. Don’t let B to take the charge of A.

A ringing Happiness

2011-08-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

Hi to all after a very long time. This time a wish if sharing a story I read long ago in a children magazine (in 1996 or 97 made me writing this post. I believe that every one living in current times needs to give it a reading .The story was in Urdu, I tried to translate it in English in a possible comprehensible way.

‘’once upon a time, there was a poor young couple used to live in a small village. They were extremely poor and possessed only a dilapidated hut, a small piece of land and weak goat. Husband really worked hard round a clock yet the small field did not return enough. Despite all these hardship, there was something in there life that never let their excitement and hope die and that was the smile of the wife. When husband came back to home really tried after a whole day work, the smiling face of the wife erased all of his exhasuion.He often asked his wife, “dear, what it is that always keeps you happy and contented even in such bad situation’’.She replied, ‘I don’t know but there is something that always remains with me and never let me to get sad or so’’.

One day a witch came to their place in a guise of a bagger woman. She offered them an immense wealth in return of a very small thing. The couple was astonished and told her that they didn’t have a scratch to give her in return. The witch said, “your wife has strange useless bell in her heart and a very few people in this world possess this .I want this .Do you have any objection’’.The couple agreed and allow her to take this bell. In fact they both hardly believed that there was any such bell at all. The witch put her hand at wife’s heart and uttered some strange words and left. The couple saw that their small piece of land converted into big green fields and replaced the hut with a castle

They have everything now but something was missing; the smile of the wife. All day long she kept wondering in the big castle but got not even a bit of contentment .A month passed by like this. The husband could not bear this condition of his wife and decided to go back to that strange bagger who was in actual a witch. They reached to her place after covering very dangerous path. When the witch saw them, she threw a really angry look. They asked for the bell and allow her to take all the wealth back. The witch told her that this was the last day ,if they got even a bit late the bell would become hers forever.Anyhow,she uttered again some strange words and inserted the bell in the Wife’s heart.

When the couple returned, there hut was there amidst the small field and the same old week goat was standing there. They are again poor yet they had the most precious thing ‘the contended smile of the wife’.

I NEED THIS BELL.:-)

May Allah bless us with the same independent kind of happiness.

A useless lengthy post

2011-05-15T13:52:00.000-07:00

Now a days I am getting very self-centered.

I guess it’s because of my being free most of the time and having nothing much to do. Well during this conference with my ownself.I discovered something about my deepest lying attitude. And this attitude has something to do with my internal fear. I felt that as I am a human being (the news so far about my living style prove that I am a human beingJ),so my attitude might have been the part of some other people’s personality as human being share few traits.

At the age of 8 ,I started writing poetry. Initially, there were just some collection of couplets then soon it started adding the shades of love poetry in it. At the age of 12 I was a writing a complete ghazal with tinge of parting moments, infidelity of lover, and the longing of beloved. These were the emotions and experiences I had never felt at that time. Even I don’t even feel any emotional attachment with any one as I was very young; just 12 years old. Life was really smooth with occasionally problems. But I always wrote in sad mode. My mother was so concerned about my morphic mode of poetry but when I told her that I just mechanically create this environment to create some poetry, she stopped asking questions. I kept writing poetry. I accomplished in some styles of poem .And at the age of 19, I got my book published. Not very good piece of work but not very bad either. Book came and book vanished. Lack of proper publishing and flaws and publicity didn’t make me famous. I, initially, felt disappointment but then forgot it with the passage of time. But I always tried to produce more poetic work but I couldn’t.

Then I got an answer. During my childhood, I was full of hope and strength. I knew at that time that whatever I was writing it’s just my imagination and it has nothing to do with my own self. I made enough fun of such critical emotions at that age.as there was a belief that life would never be that difficult for me. And now, when I have more treasures of words and experiences, it’s difficult to produce the same artificial piece of sorrow. May be now I know that hollow heart of Arooj is now fill with enough tangible sufferings and its difficult to produce truth.:-).

A fairwell to words.

2011-05-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

I have been talking since the moment it’s even difficult for one to understand words. But I have talking since that part of my life. During childhood I loved to talk about almost every type of matter. I memorized the name of some politician and amazed the listener by the information I gathered from news and from the conversation with my grandfather. Though it was not completely a wise talk yet it enough wise one it came from a five years old girl. I always stored a number of historical incidents and narrated them according to the situation.My huge storage of jokes and quotations made my talk even more interesting .I remember I was the most famous student in school and university. Not because of my wisdom or intelligence just because of my TALK.(A true talkative lady J)

Well then time took usual turn as it supposed to at certain period of my life. I disconnected myself from academic life and become house dwelling girl. I have more or less the same sort of knowledge with more polished awareness. The book I read in last two decades, the articles, even the faces I read during this long duration have added enough material to my t treasure. But now I feel I have next to negligible material to talk, lesser words and distorted statement.

Am I not talkative anymore? Have I lost the most precious spice of my conversation that kept the people around me amused for considerable period? I guess nothing has changed except there is no listener. There were my listeners in different garbs that forced me to talk, that indulged me in an illusion that I am a genius speaker. But they disappeared for one or the other reason. No listener, No words.

Anyhow, the life is getting accustomed of this newly emerging silence.

It Disturbs me,:-(

2011-05-05T11:56:00.001-07:00

Change…change…change…

Innocent childhood changes itself into blooming youth and leaves behind its carelessness . Youth changes itself in a wise middle age and leaves behind the sweet taste of subtle foolishness……….

I hate this word….this state…..this idea…….

It says the hope for the best…soon the things will change their course…but I ask why they are not already on the right path. When a single change brings some good to one’s life it also shake some settled matters.

I know it’s stupid but I am really fed up of this phenomenon.

Yes! I am afraid.

2011-05-02T04:42:00.000-07:00

He died today; who? It’s not even necessary to mention.

People are making joy in America. They are rightful doing this.

People with extremist bent of mind must be feeling sorry for Laden’s killing.

People having moderate ideas must be having sighed of relief.

What will be the aftermath?

People in Pakistan are apparently relived with this incident but actually afraid of America‘s next move regarding Pakistan and Taliban residing areas. America has authority .He has right to write nations’ fate. So they all have same question in their eyes

How many drones there will be in the celebration of this successful maneuver?

How many suicide attacks there will in Pakistan in the revenge of laden’s death as Pakistan does not prove to be safe place for him

How many more people will die?

How many …………………..

Not being a Muslim, neither being a Pakistani, I think of it hundreds of time being a Human being

‘’Humans planned, humans are trained to kill, Humans design a killing plot humans kill, humans are killed,

In the end no religion suffers, no ideology dies, no nation takes the resonposibility.

Just suffer one thing

‘’THE HUMAN RACE’’

The most dangerous specie.

Tricks to earn trust

2011-05-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

In this materialistic age; where blood relations are lacking of mutual reliance their importance; It’s difficult to believe that a specific group of people know that how to earn others trust in few seconds.
This person neither resides near your living place nor do they belong to their work place. Yet, they win their heart in such a tremendous manner that you just can’t figure out what is right and what is wrong.
Let’s imagine yourself in a situation where you are about to shop some goods and the shop does not really have any attraction and you are about to leave that shop. The moment you put your step at the threshold the shop keeper requests to you to just see some special stuff and also says that as you are not bound to buy yet you can lend some precious moments. Your hearts melts down and you decide to just give them a look just to honor the shopkeeper request. He starts showing you the same ordinary things that you already have seen but this time he asks about business, your work place, your birth place .After asking some basic question, he manages to maintain a mutual far off relationship either with your birth place or residence area. Without getting confirmed this suddenly aroused relationship, you feel a soft corner for the shopkeeper in your heart and feel yourself obliged to buy something from place. This magic of shopkeeper’s sweet tongue lasts until you come back to your house and start finding out the flaws of just purchased stuff.
If you just come across by this type situation then be careful for the next time.

for my own self

2011-04-26T11:07:00.000-07:00

Very difficult to endure that none is waiting for you when you come to home after a tiring day.
Very hard to believe that none is looking for your arrival to a gathering.
Very thorny to swallow that fact that none is enough attentive to listen your words.
And similarly very difficult to believe that none is waiting for Arooj ‘s next post.
My busy lazy husband, my sluggish busy doctor sister and my complex cousin, no one ever read my post without my insistence to do so. How sad na.
But from now on, I decided that I will write regardless anyone is reading or not.
There must be something in this life that we could do only for our own self.
So I will write for my own self.:-)

We still Love Afridi

2011-04-01T04:20:00.000-07:00

Though there was a bulk of mistakes.

But the sincerity and hard work of Afridi was the most lucid part of the game that being a sensible Pakistani I cant ignore.

After a long long time I proudly dedicate this post to our accomplished captain who led our team in such a difficult situation.May our politicians could learn from Afridi that how could one sail a rotten cruise.

We truly Love you Afridi
And wish a good bright future to Wahab Riaz.

Am I as important?

2011-02-13T02:13:00.000-08:00

Yes I asked myself this question so many times while shopping with my aunty and elder sister were moving from one garment shop to another for preparing some dresses for my wedding. OH God. The occasion is expected in November. And we had been strolling for more than 3 hours in market for the prepration.Both of them; my aunty and sister were continuously talking about my dresses and the color that suit s me most. What kind of style I should follow. I myself was looking at every dress with a prospect that how it will look at me.Even when we came back from this shopping venture and were sitting at auntie’s home.my cousin brother also took part in the preparation of my dresses. He was so concerned that would suit Arooj and that wouldn’t.

I was confused whether it’s me who is important or the occasion.

‘’The moment your parents send their daughter way makes her that much important.

Though, throughout my life I have experienced sheer importance of myself in almost every kind of gathering. Yet this importance is getting bitter for me.

I don’t know why…..After sorting out this query, will soon discuss with my respected friends.

So It Is The Right Time

2011-02-02T11:44:00.000-08:00

The first Gift of Flowers that I have ever received in my life.

Strange! I never received flowers in my 25 years long life span despite being a social being.Well.Its really nice to receive such a lovely gift from a person who is your Mr,Right,officially and emotionally.:-)

(Especially when we both are officially bound after Nikah ceremony and waiting for a wedding ceremony expected in November)

The Real Friends

2011-01-22T03:49:00.000-08:00

No flower always smells the same , No butterfly always sheds the same color from its wings ,No happy incident always holds the same stamina to make one smile, No sad happening always keep one sad. None holds eternity except one thing that is BOOK.

Last day, I visited my favorite bookshop. After a long endeavor, I managed this visit. When I was strolling between bookshelves, my heart was feeling a strange ecstasy as if I am going to hunt a buried treasure. Then I found my treasure: a complete collection of my favorite writer Chaim Potok.

I don’t remember that how much old this relationship between me and books. But I know one thing that keeps this relationship stronger and alive. And that thing is my wish to keep myself fresh and to add new flavors to apparently the same looking life. I can’t claim that reading is the only habit that keeps one fresh yet I am enough assure to say that books are really selfless friends they just shower upon you immense happiness and demands nothing in return.

Irrecoverable

2011-01-13T04:57:00.000-08:00

Love at first sight, everyone must have heard this (though not all do believe in it). But did you ever hear trust at first sight. The answer would be a ‘’ No’’.Why so?

A emotion of love, a certainly most strong emotion emerges in a flesh on the other hand trust which is also a feeling requires an ample duration to get built up. And even after taking so much time it could shake down in a moment. I pray for all of you that your trust may never get hurt.

Miracle of Aging

2011-01-05T05:19:00.000-08:00

Last night I was reading an article about an old farmer who spent his entire life in great hardships and still at the age of 95, he is quite healthy and active. The articles shared some secrets of remain happy and satisfied.Well such secrets and such stories often be published in different magazines under one or other title.

The thing that captured me is the painting of an old man (as the real character might not be providing his real pictures so magazine posted a painting just add colors),

The painting represented an old man with simple rather shabby clothes, with serious countenance on face, and who is looking somewhere with an aura of sagacity.

My memory said that my eyes have seen this person before. But I did not know that where it was. Then I suddenly saw my maternal grandfather’s face in that painting. The same sagacity: the way of looking towards nowhere. The same way of sitting in a way a hawk may be sitting in isolation. But my grandfather was not a farmer. He was lawyer and teacher, who spent his life in metropolitan.Then why such resemblance.Then my memory brought another same image. The face of an old shopkeeper whom I would pass by while coming back from school. My memory got accumulated with number of resembling figures. How could a picture resemble to many faces?.

Then I got the answer. The Miracle of Old Age. The never ending astonishing experiences of life, hardships, tests, alternate happy and sad moments, and struggle make a person to shed the artificial garb of mundane life and then the age come we all start looking Alike. That is the reason that kids usually look alike at the time of birth and even in school going age. As in this initial phase that really don’t know how to struggle for their fake identities that keep them superior from others. On the other way round, an old person start shedding off this fake identity and accept the fact that all humans are alike.

A happy Start

2011-01-02T10:47:00.000-08:00

In the very start of the newly arrived year,we planned a warm picnic in such a cold winter.
First time visited the only Safari Park of Lahore.This happy start and relaxed start of the year is surely a good omen for the upcoming days.

Magic of voice

2010-12-24T02:54:00.000-08:00

I love to speak. Being a female there is nothing new in my just uttered statement as every woman has more or less inclination to speaking bout rather talking about different matters.

But I really love to talk since my childhood when I was not even aware of gender discrimination. Fluent flawless speech is my weakness. I often think about the variation that exists between vocal cords of different people. I get tackled by the charm of beautiful, thundering, sometime smooth or Husky voices especially in documentaries where narrator’s voice is responsible for creating a magical realm that can captivate the Viewers.

I few hours ago .I heard a documentary in the voice of Dilly Barlow’’.

Wow.Amazing.Superb.

And I dedicated my post to her and all those people who make this tool of communication ‘’language’’, more attractive for all of us.

50/50

2010-12-10T09:10:00.000-08:00

Keep remember your past if you don’t want to make same mistake again and again.

Forget your past; never look back, if you want to move ahead.

The most obvious advisory statements, that everyone listen in one or other day dy of one’s life.

Both attitudes are contradictory. Isn’t it?

But you know what I do. Though I am not a famous personality nor I have achieved something very special in life yet my sharing has some worth .you know why? I belong to the most widely spread type of human beings. I belong the category of common man.ooops common woman infect,J

The same common man who survive through thick and thin yet his existence remain undistinguished. A common man who put in every phase of his life yet his endeavors remain untocied.Well its very big topic.

Let’s come to the point. What I do when comes the matters of opting or discarding my past.

I show a 50/50 attitude.

I forget the people who did wrong with me, but keep remember the circumstances that led me towards that trouble so that I could avoid them in my present and future.

I forget the tears that I shed in my pas- as the memory of them starting pinching my eyes-and keep remember the smiles that I have had on my face at some departed day.

I forget how people broke my heart yet keep remember how I gathered my shattered pieces and moved ahead.

Try it !

Nature's Art

2010-11-23T10:05:00.000-08:00

I am not a good photographer at all. I usually take blurred pictures even with a properly tuned digital camara.But sometimes it happens that we feel ourselves too compelled to do something that I can’t even think about doing in normal situation. And days of exams cannot be considered normal days at all. As I am mingling with final exams of my boring diploma, I was jolted by an innate photographer hidden somewhere in me. Today I was sitting in my university ground and saw a rotten fallen tree and just found nature’s crafting .Give It a look.:-)

Jealousy

2010-11-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

I always try to personify any feeling by explaining them in terms of tangible human behavior. Though it’s weird yet it works. As it become easy for me to mend myself .As last night I was thinking about the feeling of jealousy .I was trying to portray what exactly happens while a person becomes the victim of such a poisonous emotion. Then it reminds me that when I caught the infection of chicken pox at the age of 4, there was sheer itching on my face. But my mother asked me not to rub that itching spots as it would ruin my face. She told me to be patient as once the infection would be cured so thus the itching.

Then I came to the conclusion that jealousy is like a constant itching. Every time you feel it, you want to rub yourself .Friction produced heat. Itching boils down for a moment. But it again appears. Constant rubbing reddens your skin and then there appear scars. Scars continue to exist for few days and left behind constant mark. The force you invest in rubbing your own skin to get rid of mere itching becomes a constant mark. Once we start feeling jealous of someone. This emotion ignites a fear that we could be unnoticed in the presence of envied one. We start working hard. We make our activities rather fast to leave behind our competitors. And once we do this; there comes some more figures that prove themselves a threat for our ego, for our feeling of having been best so far. We again increase our pace of working. In doing so, we don’t even realize that this endless labor leads us nowhere. Jealousy is not a driving force but rather it keeps us mingling with life and during this tussle ,we seriously damage our personality. There is no cure in this world for this emotion. The best way is to bear that itching without rubbing it. Soon it will disappear without giving you any harm

A Hug

2010-10-26T14:31:00.000-07:00

Today my father gave me a Hug.

Wow!

It felt me so special.

Very reassuring as it assured me my father’s love for me.

Very protective as it gave me a feeling of being inside an aura of affection.

Very calm as it soothed me while I was out-raged by a hell of reasons.

I and my father, were having a kind of continues arguments since last many days. But today I had a quarrel with my younger brother as he did something wrong .I wept a lot. I was so disturbed .But then among such a teasing moments I got something.

A hug –From a father to his daughter-

I know everything will be fine. Soon the differences of my younger brother with rest of the family will boil down. Yet the affectionate gesture of my father will always be with me.

Endearing Remnants

2010-10-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

Where is my knife? You know I can’t use any other thing for cutting these vegetables. My mother would shout like this whenever she could not be able to find an old knife (that more looked like a dagger) while working in kitchen.Infact that knife has a complete history. My mother used to say that that knife was a production of her grandfather (maternal) ‘s genius mind, when he was in Kenya .My mother would add more spice to her narration by saying that he used to build home with wood and live near a wild forest for gathering timber. During His stay, he made this knife for himself and then it handed down in mother 's family.My mother eventually had this Family monument. We got so amazed by listening this story as it was astonishing for us ‘’The journey of a knife from Kenya to Pakistan.

Then my mother had another antique dresser ( a sort of) which has an embellished and emotional history. My mother was very dear to her grandfather (paternal).She spent her childhood in his company and listened his stories about British India. He said that he purchased this dresser from a British officer while he was leaving for Britain at the time of partition.

These are two monuments of my home very dear to my Mother. This month it has been 5 years since she left us (physically).People departed and left their lovely belongings behind and a lot of memories.May her soul rest in peace.(Ameen).

I don’t know whom among we three siblings will claim for having these monuments. We haven’t decided yet.:-)

Uncertainty

2010-10-08T09:23:00.000-07:00

I am feeling so empty today as if I am having no control over anything happening around. Then following few lines seemed of doing a catharsis of my perplex condition.

“All my life I believed I knew something. But then one strange day came when I realized that I knew nothing, yes, I knew nothing. And so words became void of meaning. I have arrived too late at ultimate uncertainty.”

Ezra Pound

Resonate your Life

2010-10-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

I often feel weary, at different times of day: sometime in the morning while leaving for work, during nights sleeping late night with worried concern of getting up early in the morning, sometimes during lunch having the same conventional ordinary stuff .Doing same things with a same pace at the time at the same place makes me more like old moldy machine .whenever this boredom starts getting on my nerves, someone whispered; wake up girl, break the ice, give a jerk to your routine by Resonating your forgotten relationship. Relationship???

Yes relations; Father, mother sister, Brother, wife, husband etc .Keep them alive by pushing a ‘’refresh’’ button once a week .share a cup of tea with your sister a telling her about an incident at office. Offer your helping hand to your mother in making dinner and while working at cutborad, tell her about your upcoming plans and add her goodwill to your enterprises. Give a tight hug to you younger brother for a mere reason that he is looking dashing in grey tea shirt and blue jeans. Enter your father’s room, sit at his bed, and put down your head on his shoulder, and start telling about all those things which are teasing you for no specific reason.

Life is tough, life is strict, life is monotones, life is dull yet it offers us such sweet relations those never get old or dull nor let our life to act sluggishly. We always can add some vibrating force to the inertia of life by resonating our relation with our loved ones.

Colors Reflect

2010-10-01T00:09:00.000-07:00

We have had our house painted this week. Such hectic time it was. It seems colors are getting on our nerves. But it was necessary from the point of view of cleanliness and to somehow for aesthetic sense (if we had any).The choice of color for their respective rooms expressed personality of each of my family member .The color they chose for their rooms showed their inner intensities. For example, my father is a person who still likes the home decor of 70s and 80s.He never came out from the charisma of off white paint. Besides this, he wants everything in order in really smooth and straight manner so he has had all the walls of his room painted with a same color. After a great endeavor I forced him to give a little bit different shade to one corner so that it could break the monotony of the room

My little brother is a great admirer of wrestling and Randy Orton. He like aggression in everything. His pompous personality can be read through the dark maroon painted walls of his room. A perfect slot for bewildered creature like him.

And comes the matter of my own room which I shared with my elder sister (it would be better to say that she shares it with me).We are the girls not very sure about our choice and plans. And most of the time being sensitive concerned daughters, we have to consider whether out budget allows it or not. So in this confusion, we made a lot of decision with a hope that our room would be looking like fairy land. But in the end, we made a blunder like ever. Our habit of making decision at the last moment (as we usually do in case of our Eid dress) made our room a display of a pervasive confusion. Its neither pink nor tea pink. Something near to red but not red infect. We well we are trying to hang good sceneries on walls so that it could get some artistic aroma to our room .

So do you really believe that the choice of color we made reflect our personality?

Few things never change their course

2010-09-28T00:31:00.000-07:00

It is a general course of life that one keeps learning and changing one’s personality with the passage of time. Times changes, personality changes and so the behavior .I used to think that it would happen to me as well. And this natural embracing of mature ways of life keeps me safe from making same mistake again and again .It will bring gravity and sagacity to my personality and I would no longer be the same old bewildered Arooj who would want to express herself but then would hold her words aback with a wish that the listener might understand her silent pain.

I still remember that after my fist week of school, my teacher said to me mother, ‘your daughter never weeps loudly, and she just sat and heaves sighs .that is something very uncommon in the children of this age. My mother did not believe as I was very bold child at home. Very confident and brave one. But it started happening in the later years of my childhood. I would speak alot,would share my bookish knowledge with my friends (though I had very few)and my elders, yet whenever the matter came to defend my own self or express something regarding my ownself,I would feel myself dump.

That period of childhood flew away. I managed to represent myself in front of the world in or other way. I left my real self behind and started dealing this world as a neutral observer( though I know that is something highly illusionary) as it was more easy for me then making confronting with a threat of defending myself again and again. But now I feel that after a lot of practice of last many years, my real self has started it again .I am no more a neutral observer, I feel the pain and sourness of the situation .I want to comment upon it .I want to complain. But I don’t know how. Again feel it difficult to explain my point of view .I used to think that one’s I would grow up, things will be solved. The grown up Arooj would not be as vulnerable as this little Arooj.But thing are the same; I feel the same old bewilderment that I used to face in early years of my life. I still feel difficulty in making a connection between my naive personality and world around. May be few things never change their course.

Does it always help to Debate?

2010-09-22T07:04:00.000-07:00

I am the laziest student of my class rather least interested what’s going on around me except the lecture of my instructor. But few days back an incident jerked me .My teacher was teaching us a theory about pragmatics. He gave an example to explain some part of the theory. While giving the example, he made a comparison and during making this he happened to say that ‘’look students as we all know that ugliness is a bad quality. He said so just to explain some point. But a girl interrupted him by saying this’’No.Sir ugliness is not a bad quality is just a draw back’’.My teacher said that it is a bad quality because it repels other not attract. The same girl again rejected his point of view by saying that to be ugly is not the fault of any one so how it could be a bad quality. Sir said even though a person has no authority upon his/her look yet ugliness is considered one’s negative attribute.

Well a mischievous boy used this chaotic situation of the class by making some rude remarks about girl’s taking style and Sir had ti wind up his debate.

Well what I learned from this small incident is that one should ponder upon the situation and crowd at least once before staring any debate because most of the time paradoxical debates lead us to nothing.

And second thing that made me to write this post is an urge to ask the same question to my friends

Wht you thing ugliness is bad or negative attribute or not”

Messed up

2010-09-11T04:48:00.000-07:00

Flood, diseases, inflation, unexpected problems, family issues, and study’s matter .My mind had been mingling with such kind of stuff from the last two months. The prevailing pain in my surrounding did not let me to turn on my PC .The reality was so bitter that that I could not find any words to flourish my blog. Sometimes facts make us dumb and miseries do not let us play with the idealistic world of abstract words.

Though I am not directly the victim of flood, yet I can feel the causes, effects and aftermath situations. The insensitivity of human race not only snatched the essence of humanity but also invited the wrath of divine hand. Well……………………..I am here to say hello AFTER A LONG ABSENCE to those who felt my absence and even those who do not even know about my existence J.

The world is Thine, not mine

2010-06-26T00:41:00.001-07:00

Last night, I was reading an Ode written by poet of east ‘’Dr.Muhammad Ilama Iqbal’’.In this Ode, he communicates with God and apparently charge him for all the happenings or mishappenings in this world. This apparent blame game has sheer shades of respect and ultimate obedience.

This single line’’ The world is Thine, not mine’’ can rescue the man from an everlasting dilemma regarding the concept of misfortune. We keep on mingling our head with the things that do not comes in our territory and are surely decided in His precinct still we do not accept this fact and do not enjoy the things that we have in the lamentation of those which we don’t have. The lack of faith in the supremacy of God makes us feel like falling Govt that is roaming in bewilderment among angry folk. We keep standing our self in a witness box and keep persecuting it for failing in respective mission having being forgetful that there is a God who ready to listen and hold us even though we have fallen in the bosom of ignominy.

The divine hand that is responsible of our creation is also responsible of our well being so have faith in His mercy and keep going ahead.

Just a tint of jealousy

2010-05-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

A few days back i came to know that one my middle school class fellow just completed her MBBS.the girl who gave me this news was expecting a quite melancholic response from my side.The fact is that i myself felt a bit soreness in my throat after getting this apparently casual news.The girl who just passed her MBBS.(bachelor in medicine) used to be my best friend in 8th class.But this friendship lasted only for few months.i was outstanding in academic activities and co-curricular activities as well.one day she came to me and said;''Arooj why don't you leave first position for me in coming exam''.I got shocked and ;''why?''She said;''you are already famous for debated and other co-curricular activities to just allow me to show myself in this single field of studies so don't make good diagrams in the paper of science so that you wont get highest marks''.Well this single event created a long distance between us and both opted different ways.
My mother wanted to make a doctor.But i never felt any special interest in this field.When this very girl came to know about my tentative future plan,she said i also want to become a doctor.Time passed,she got admission in medical college and I opted English literature in my Honors.i am quite satisfied with life.But today when i came to know about her a negative though hit my mind''oh she won the race''.But which race i myself don't know.

sometimes in life we ourselves start considering other as our rivals and start judging our life with respect of their progress.By doing this we just forget that we all come certain guts and some specific domain of skills.And we are supposed to prove ourselves in these specific fields.

So congradulate my long forgotten friend wish you a bright future''

Still We Believe

2010-05-03T11:36:00.000-07:00

sometime in life we came across with dark night without even a single glimpse of moon and shimmering stars,still we believe that soon there will be a shiny day.

sometimes in life there comes such a wildest autumn that all trees get deprived of leaves and trunk looks lifeless,still we believe there will be spring with chirping birds and colorful flowers.

Sometimes we meet rude people uttering sour words with sarcastic tone ,still we believe there will be some sincere friendly will be waiting for us standing in the next stop.

Sometimes sheer pain surround all whole body and legs seizes to move,still we believe that soon there will be an active current that make us move again.

sometimes we lost all loved ones accidentally still we believe that there will be a miracle that brings some caring hands for us.

Look such type of sometimes surround our whole life but a mere Strong believe keep us alive.

I am Alive

2010-03-09T05:01:00.001-08:00

Good evening
I am here with a day’s bulletin.

8 am .In the morning my ex-Wife called me and demanded her share in business we started together though she didn’t spend even a single penny while we were investing money now she is demanding fifty percent share.

9 am .My Boss called me and informed that I am not going to get increment this year.

10 am. My girl friend called me and said that she is going to wind up relationship with me. Reasons are still unknown.

11 am. My closest came to my place and that he cannot start joint business with me as his wife is not in the favor of this.

12 pm.My sisters called me that she needs 50 thousand dollar immediately otherwise she will never see my face.

1 pm.I fell from the stairs and got severe injury on my elbow. I had to postpone all, urgent important projects.

2 pm.My son returned from school with his shirt torn apart .He had a quarrel at school.

3pm.My neighbor rang the door bell and complainED that my younger son has destroyed his lawn while riding his bicycle.

4pm.My father had heart attack and now is admitted in ICU.

5pm.My ex-wife again made a threatening call and asked me to arrange her required money s soon as possible.

6pm.I started feeling temperature and decided to visit my family physician.

7pm.When I went to garage and was about to leave for medical checkup, I found that my car was punctured.

8pm.Right now I am standing at work shop and looking at mechanic working at my car.

Breaking news:
I am still alive.

(I posted these lines few months back.my present depressing scenario of life requires the same driving force again)

Mr/Miss Attitude

2010-03-07T23:01:00.000-08:00

If you are sitting in some waiting room and an annoyed personality (apparently without any specific reason to be) accompanied by forced elegancy, sits beside you. And if that very figure continue his/her stay with overwhelmingly delicate movements ,a slightly hostile frowing,and lips twisted in somehow grouchy as if just engulfed a bad ill-tasted candy ;then get sure you just come across by ‘ miss/mr Attitude’’.

As per dictionary, one of the 9 possible meanings of this word attitude is: the behavior marked with a cool, cocky, defiant, or arrogant manner. When i pondered upon this definition it recalled me a number of people whom i can assign the title of Mr. and Miss. Attitude. Since the day I started observing society with a little bit mature eye, I keep on finding a number of figures that keep surrounded with an aura that their anger, their smile, their upsettness rather each and every move is observed by others .in case people made a great mistake of ignoring such angelic figures, they tries to captures their attention sometime with a delicate ‘’ouch’’ or sometime with so called ‘’subtle laughter’’ or sometime just a artificial way of showing of amazement ‘’oh really’’.

Usually there is nothing wrong with Mr. and Miss Attitude, but just spend few hours with them after spending 30 mints you will feel a kind of pain in front side of your head. After 45 minutes your ears get bored to death by receiving similar sort of frequencies ,and after one and half hour your heart will start sinking and you will try to find out some slot to escape.

A selfless pray

2010-02-27T06:37:00.000-08:00

I usually don’t like sending or receiving forward messages. As per thinking ,it is one of useless thing one can ever do. Just to make sure that we are using our free package of sms ,we keep on sending jocks,qoutations and poetry to others. But few days back i read a forward message on my sister’s mobile (though it’s really bad to read others’ cell..ooops).and there was a message that i found close to my heart as it was about praying to God in a selfless manner. I just want to share this text with you people.

I PRAY to God ‘’let all my friend be healthy and happy forever.

God said: For four days only

I said: Yes! Let them be every spring day, autumn day, summer day, and winter day.

God said:’ No! Three days.

I said: Yes! Yesterday, today and tomorrow.

God said: NO! Two days.

I said:’’bright day (daytime), Dark day (night time)

God said: ‘No! One day’’

I said: Yes!

God asked: Which day?

I said: Everyday.

God laughed and said: you really know how to negotiate .but since you are asking for happiness for your friends .I can’t refuse love everyone who thinks of others. All your friends will be happy inshAllah.

For my dear Husband

2010-02-16T23:43:00.000-08:00

Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it

alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves.

''Pierre Teilhard de Chardin''

I proud of my father

2010-01-25T07:05:00.001-08:00

The title shows as if I am going to talk about my father in terms of some great deed done by him or something extraordinary he has done for me. This is not the case right now. When I give a look from childhood to my present phase of life, I discovered a lot of events when my father supported me and gave the voice to a little dumped Arooj.In grade 5^th when my teacher didn’t allow me to take part in speech competition as I was new comer, my father explained my capability in a very polite manner. When during my intermediate, a female lecturer showed a biased approach towards me just because I am a poetess and she considered poetry a useless thing, my father talked to her and removed her grudges regarding me.he never made any complain when he had to wait for me outside my school and then college.

Today when I m 24 years old .have completed 16 years of education and doing a diploma ,my father again supported me when I was not mustering up courage to talk to simple clerk about my late degree. When he stands beside me, I feel that now I can defend me in better way.

What is meant by an “Ideal’’?

2010-01-11T23:36:00.000-08:00

I am a 24 years old girl .I have spent an ample time in the company of my own gender. I invested considerable time in making rumors about others, in discussing different ,so called ,important feminine matters; and in doing catharsis of yet to be fulfilled dreams .the most burning issue of any female gathering (where all girls single preferably) is to discuss about one’s ideal partner.

By the way, I myself don’t know what is really meant by this word ideal. As per my observation and the time I killed during such useless debate, an ideal partner for a girl is guy with handsome look, with100 percent IQ level, with ample confident and attractive sound financial and academic background. The percentage of different qualities may vary from one girl to other yet the overall sketch remains same. Only few fractions of girl may be able to find out their true ideal, infact these little fractions just itself don’t know whether the respective partner deserved to be called an ideal partner, still their pretentions make other think that they have succeeded in achieving their goal. And rest folk just keep on wondering here and there in the search of true hero.

In this everlasting quest, daughters of eve should keep one thing in view that if they are in the search of an ideal being the same is the case with Adam’s sons. They themselves want something really best. And in this quest of finding something best, feelings, emotions and true love start losing their essence.

What I believe that this mater of ideal is not dependent upon the how much you are impressed from other’s positive qualities rather it depends upon how much you feel acceptance for his negative qualities. If the graph of this acceptance touches its peak then it is clear that you are in love with that person and u have found your ideal.

Why should I care at all?

2009-12-29T07:42:00.000-08:00

Last night I was reading a poem written by John Donne in which he scolds his beloved that why she cares about the opinions of people about their relationship. As he believes it is something against the passion of any emotion to pay so much attention to one’s own reputation and people’s openion.this very poem drags me to my real world and the mess created by unwelcomed opinions passed by unwelcomed critics. When we stepped into mature phase of life, we find ourselves in the realm of strict observation and we can’t even figure out that when the shower of criticism gets started. We are not given any to chance to find out any slot to hide ourselves. Because, the people who pass their opinions about our personal matters, do this job with such an authoritative aura that we cannot even think about of checking them.

But, do we really want to check them? I guess not really. Because in some other frame of reference, we are also the part of this very irrational community of critics. We also feel pleasure by talking about others’ personal lives. We also feel light by making rumors of subtle issues of one’s privacy. We pass our hours leisure by making useless phone calls such to tell our friends that roll no: 02 had his break up with roll no: 03 and with this roll.no:06 is very happy. When this opinion making can offer such an immense pleasure then why should I care about at all? Pass comments and face them as well. As it is the part of life. But believe me this is the only thing that has the capacity to create such a great fuss at psychological level that that cannot be removed via any mental therapy.