Friday, May 19, 2017

Yet, Life Continues

Hundred times, believe me , hundred times I have given myself warning  that with complaining, enough with expecting, enough with being hopeful and enough with crying. But every time, I forget about this self-flagellation  and continue the same useless errands in the name of LIFE.

May be this feeling of being a looser is also a part of life or may e this is life. This feeling tells you that once you possessed something or at least a hope of possessing something.And this thirst shows that you are alive. No matter how weak, how damaged your hope is, it has long roots and it will never die out.

sometime you are tired of being hopeful. Sometime you are just tired of giving justifications.  

Damn it!!!

This hope will not leave me. And I will witness it getting shattered again.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

The Sky is the same Everywhere- so said Virginia Woolf

Yes it is same.Even though you have not traveled the whole world; you have not seen the soil color of different fields  or tasted the water of strange springs sprouting from remote corners; you can make this claim that "The Sky is  the same everywhere". But does the same sky shower the same sort of blessing for every living being? It is another and totally different question.

Many, Many (and in fact many) years back when I was small (very small indeed), and used to miss my maternal uncle when he left after spending few holidays with us ; a weird yet effective practice used to heal me in the times of sorrow. I would look at sky and told me rather console myself by thinking that the sky over my head would be the same as the one there over the head of my uncle , so we had something as a connection. 

Many years later ( though I was still small but not very ) , my mother died. Life changed and the change brought anxiety . A strong uncomfortable feeling did not let me to accept the absence of my mother. Among this changing scenario, I started looking for the phenomenon those were still same as they were during the life of my mother. Oh yes!!! The sky was same . The same sky with same color.
But mother was not there under this blue canopy.( Formula did not work exactly well, but it was never formulated to work exactly well). I consoled myself with half working emotional therapy.

Today while reading Virginia Woolf's  novel Jacob' s Room ( an effort-full reading it has been), I came across this expression " the sky was same everywhere". I do not say that i and Virginia think alike as I do not want to end up into the water of an indifferent river in semi-conscious condition( she committed suicide) , yet this sentence in 3rd chapter of the novel made my heart resonate with Virginia's thought and this just born empathy would make me a patient reader of a rather impulsive author.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

A Lonely day

A single lonely silent day, amidst  so many others flourished with daily chores and frequent  sounds of laughter, tells you that how fake and vulnerable your smile is. Silence introduces you with the dark recesses of your mind and many buried thoughts sprout out from hibernation and tickle your wounded conscious.


Friday, March 31, 2017

Sometime you can't!!!

Yes sometime you just can't!!! Can't speak, Can't weep, Can't leave.

Everyone gets angry.Everyone gets hyper. Everyone tensed. But when One person says that one hits you ,  scolds you out of anger and its not a big issue then you start thinking about your anger that made you even more silent and passive receptive of abuse.

I can't go back.I can't leave. I will move on .I have to. I know one day this journey will end.
And I will vanish.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Afraid or Defeated or Cautious

We are afraid of so many things. In-fact we are afraid of being afraid. Being afraid means you have something to loose. Something precious, valuable. Something concrete. And sometime , you are afraid of losing a FEELING. Yes.You feel afraid that you stop feeling in that way. That the feeling will stop stimulating your heart. And heart will stop pampering your brain.
Well, I am afraid that one day I will come to know or I already know that the strong feeling that I have one person who is mine as I have made him forget all the rival thoughts, will leave me . I often close my eyes and tell myself that its not like that.

His darting eyes while I speak is not the sign of his boredom but his style.
He does not talk about few things not for the pain that the certain names might cause but for the triviality of the memories.
He ................................................

I cannot be a watchman. I cannot be a prosecutor. I cannot be indifferent either.
I can only timidly guess or be afraid. 

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

A Second Hand Relation

Relations are Relations. Is it that simple ? No. Simply No!!!!!!!

Relations have categories to fit in. Which sort of categories? Well I am working on it. But at the start of my research/search , I have found at least  one type which can be known as

 " Second Hand relation" . 

I have also found(conceived) few characteristics:

A relation that you maintain with a person who has to be up to the mark to be in that relationship.
A relation that does not accept a person as a person is.
A relation that that is devoid of any shade of blind
A relation which can help you forget the old relations but cannot replace them. (spare part )
A relation that can be clutches but cannot be a lost limb.
A relation that is built on inequality.
A relation where memories override the living beings.