A useless lengthy post

Now a days I am getting very self-centered.

I guess it’s because of my being free most of the time and having nothing much to do. Well during this conference with my ownself.I discovered something about my deepest lying attitude. And this attitude has something to do with my internal fear. I felt that as I am a human being (the news so far about my living style prove that I am a human beingJ),so my attitude might have been the part of some other people’s personality as human being share few traits.

At the age of 8 ,I started writing poetry. Initially, there were just some collection of couplets then soon it started adding the shades of love poetry in it. At the age of 12 I was a writing a complete ghazal with tinge of parting moments, infidelity of lover, and the longing of beloved. These were the emotions and experiences I had never felt at that time. Even I don’t even feel any emotional attachment with any one as I was very young; just 12 years old. Life was really smooth with occasionally problems. But I always wrote in sad mode. My mother was so concerned about my morphic mode of poetry but when I told her that I just mechanically create this environment to create some poetry, she stopped asking questions. I kept writing poetry. I accomplished in some styles of poem .And at the age of 19, I got my book published. Not very good piece of work but not very bad either. Book came and book vanished. Lack of proper publishing and flaws and publicity didn’t make me famous. I, initially, felt disappointment but then forgot it with the passage of time. But I always tried to produce more poetic work but I couldn’t.

Then I got an answer. During my childhood, I was full of hope and strength. I knew at that time that whatever I was writing it’s just my imagination and it has nothing to do with my own self. I made enough fun of such critical emotions at that age.as there was a belief that life would never be that difficult for me. And now, when I have more treasures of words and experiences, it’s difficult to produce the same artificial piece of sorrow. May be now I know that hollow heart of Arooj is now fill with enough tangible sufferings and its difficult to produce truth.:-).